You know how they say true beauty comes from within? Well I am FUCKED. It turns out I am unintentionally an awful, awful person.
To understand this revelation about my awfulness you must know two very important details:
1. my ex- who I dated for 8 yrs and is known as retardo- slept with a girl with a mustache. This resulted in his immediate disposal, mostly because my pride was so so hurt. Cheat up gentlemen! Golly! It also led to a hilarious drunk text message where brother kept asking retardo what it was like to be a dude who is not gay but still get a mustache ride. All totally worth it.
2. Even before the mustache aficionado retardo came into my life, I have had a fear of growing a mustache as a woman. There are some out there with FULL ones... that is awful. This morning, as in every morning, I was looking in the mirror making sure I don’t have a mustache. This is my single biggest fear. I am a pretty un-hairy girl, and thank jesus for it.
Okay so today my literal first thought after breathing a sigh of relief that I don’t have that super scary facial hair is that if I did get some whiskers it would be funny for one reason- cause I would like to tell retardo that I am his type again, lol.
Then I thought, wow, I am a mean lady. Here are some other recent happenings of my meanness:
A few days ago I wigged on some students cause I am sick of them being inappropriately dressed. This one girl her ass is SO HUGE. Like not hot black girl giant ass... like just a giant lumpy bag of mess. Its so not hot. And this dumb bitch wears leggings as pants EVERY DAY. This other girl who isn’t particularly big wears tiny tiny shorts every day.... it makes her look like a cow. I swear I have seen this girls cooter on the daily. Its gross. They were together one day, and talking about what they were going to wear to an event. Then what came out of my mouth was unstoppable, rude, and unjust. But it happened. I immediately jumped in and said “You know what, there is a dress code at this event” then proceeded to lay into them telling them that leggings aren’t pants, especially since the girl is big (don’t worry I US’d it... like big girls like us shouldn’t....). Then I told the one in shorts I was sick of seeing her cooter. To a student, right to her face. To which she said “but pants are so restricting” and I took her face in my hands and said “if you bought pants that fit you, they wouldn’t feel restricting” What a bitch I am! Good thing they think I am funny.
Also within the last few days, I had to pick my DJ friend up for an event. He was unresponsive and annoying me, not sending me his address and such. After driving around like a maniac finding his house in rush hour traffic, I finally get there. And then he takes FOREVER to get ready. I may have been three seconds away from blowing up his house. But then, he hit himself in the face with his speaker. And I said THANKS JESUS. Who gets in a better mood when their friend gets hurt?? This girl.
Every time I see a mother walk away from her kid in cart in the grocery store, I want to steal it. I HATE kids, but I think they should be watched well... so I would like to scare the mom into thinking the kid was kidnapped to teach her a lesson.
Okay thats pretty mean, but more than that its just fucked up. Hide your kids... lol
