what a cunt

Cunty McCunterson, AKA brother puts all my business out there.

I have a date tonight... I don't wanna talk about who it is with. 
Anywho... this is what he posts on Facebook:

(Sister)  won't tell me who she is going on a date with tonight. what if she gets murdered or something, how will I know who killed her? obviously I will have to follow her to kings in dedham

 So NOW everyone is hitting me up about this... fucker.  And clearly his friends don't actually know him, cause they think he is concerned.  He isn't concerned, he is being douchy.

  So the question I have for you, faithful blog readers, is do I really have to share EVERYTHING with brother???

what brother says about the hurricane

Brother and I have had quite a weird breakfast this fine Saturday.

After I told my brother how I met an adorable man last night, I quickly found out he was 23.  As I am 29, Brother is 24, and we have theothersister between us, so this is awkward.  I quickly became Matthew McConaughey for the remainder of the conversation.  Then I say

"Am I a cougar"

Brother: "No but you will be in three years"

Me (After my face completely dropped) "I AM ONLY THREE YEARS AWAY FROM BEING A COUGAR?!!" 

Brother: Yeah, you are almost ten years older"

And then he fell off the chair laughing.

Fucker.

Later:

Me: "Bristol RI is evacuating because of the upcoming hurricane"

Brother: "Why is everyone freaking out!  1- we are above sea-level (I tried to tell him that we are not in Bristol but whatever) and 2- we are white! nothing bad is going to happen to us!  the government cares about us!"

Happy Saturday people

Can't tell twitter what I can tell my brother

Today I thought of two really funny, period related things that MAY be hysterical on twitter or people will write me off as the grossest person alive.  One of the two.  So I said to myself, eh, I will just text it to brother. 

Instead I am putting it on here.

1st period thought:  I really want to go to hot yoga today, but is hot yoga and period a savory mix?  probably not.  will I attract bears?

2nd- geez I made this french toast really sweet, I am consuming so much sugar right now!  but a baby wants what a baby wants, even if its dying.

When you are willing to share those kind of thoughts with your brother and not the world... well you see my conundrum

Have a good day readers!

and we have developed a NEW most embarrassing moment.

Brother has now reached his most EMBARRASSING MOMENT OF ALL TIME...(say that in an echo-y voice please)

So my friend and I came back home one night and all the lights were on- and lets face it, I am the only wasteful one in the house and brother was here when I left, so I knew he was home.  So I called out to him "brother?" and couldn't really find him... it was MUY confusing.  So I turn the corner into the living room and see the most amazing site I have ever seen in my life.

I used my amazing quick thinking skills to make my friend stop in the dining room and just watched.  I mean it was funny but I don't want to embarrass the boy (hush with the logic that I am posting this).  And then I watched.

What do you think I saw? (and more importantly what do you think my friend thought I was seeing? gross)

Brother was mime karaoking.  Seriously.  Earphones in, singing along without actually singing.  Holding a fake microphone.  Dancing in circles.  He looked up and saw me and the panic in his eyes was so amazing.  He panicked and rushed around, trying to get himself situated.  As he rushes out of the room, bam! meets a new person.  In between my tears of laughter... and I am talking legit stomach and facing hurting, crying laughter, I explained that new friend did not see so there is a little less embarrassment.  But still, he ran straight into his room.  Poor guy.

That image of horror will forever be locked in my brain, it was fantastic.  And bro, next time you are home alone, maybe you don't use the earphones.  I could have been a murderer.