The thoughts in my head are sometimes so mean I cannot share them...
This might be the only time I should ever write about what happened at Toys R' Us in Winter of 2006
It was a Friday and I managed to not have work or class on Fridays for most of college. It was a few weeks before Christmas, and I get it in my head that because othersister works at a poor school, that I would get her a video microscope (she was a science teacher for inmates in training) [also a side note: notice how bad things happen to me when I think to be nice or kind...- see karaoke in A.J. Wright - I think Jesus wants me to be mean.] What I failed to do is check the weather report. It had not snowed really at all yet that winter and was not snowing when I left, it might have even been sunny outside.
reader: "Well brother, why would you need to check the weather if it was nice outside?
Well, reader of this blog, what I failed to notice was that there was going to be a snow storm starting that night and it would continue into Monday... meaning every Mother is going to be out shopping for Christmas presents - the presents they were planning on getting during the weekend. The fact that is was Noon helped nothing, these moms were out in force to get presents before their kids got home from school.
So finding the present was east enough. There was one left (nice!) and I went on my merry way to the checkout counter...
...
I stand in line behind an old woman
another woman in her late 30s (but looked used like a 60 year old) stands behind me
then I feel it
this bitch behind me is pushing her cart against me
... this is okay, i just bump it a little to show her I am here, no harm in that...
she keeps pushing her cart into me, not a rough push but she thinks that pushing her cart against me will magically do something
then the old woman... (being a woman and old means she is going to be a pain in the ass) of course starts complaining about the price but was so wrong that the store literally could not appease this woman.
I am behind this old bitch with my feet firmly planted and trying to keep myself from being crushed by this large bitch behind me
is this woman trying to run me over? Am I going to die here? If I die holding a video microscope that looks like an eyeball I hope no one mourns for me... it's how I want to go. DOES THIS C**T THINK THAT I AM GOING TO GIVE HER MY SPOT BECAUSE SHE IS PLOWING ME DOWN? OH HELLZZZZ NO!
I turn, pull her cart towards me, then slam it back "BACK UP BITCH! THAT HARD SURFACE YOU HAVE BEEN PUSHING INTO FOR FIVE MINUTES IS A PERSON YOU MORON!"
at this point the woman in front of me is still insisting that the sign she is holding that says stuffed dog toys 40% off applies to her Lego Star Wars set - so I naturally unleash my wrath on her
"HEFFER - you are wrong, stop being such a fucking douche and pay for your shit, if you don't have the money - GO AWAY!"
naturally things move smoothly for me from then on out
Heffer in front pays and books it, lady in back finds a new line, I pay a go on my way... assuming police will be there any second...
As I walk toward my car I see it.
Some butt-face-tryna-be-cute-but-is-a-used-up-whore walked her carriage straight into my car (3 spaces away from the carriage corral) oh no this bitch did not just do that (I do not have a nice car, and sure she's got some rough patches but she's mine...)
I book it toward my car
she sees me pull this cart off of my car and book it toward her. She turns with this smug look that if she were a dude I would punch off her whore face and I just say in the calmest voice I can muster:
"I hope your house burns down before Christmas"
I get in my car
and I walk away
Sister- you have been trumped.
Evil thy name is brother
(don't worry, I've gotten much less angry - no need for 24/7 watch)
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