hot messes gallore

from Sister-

Okay so one thing you should know about me is that I LOVE people who are a hot mess.  I have no shame in staring (which can lead to issues, i.e. the autistic midget story), and my bro and I are pretty much perfect so we can say whatever we want about people

So originally, I was going to write about Joe Oil stories after reading brother's last contribution, and I was looking up some quality tweets of past, where it seems like a lot of my blog entries will come from.  Well, my attention was diverted.  Tonight, I will share with you some of the funnier observations my brother and I (and a few friends) made while out, then put them on twitter

Tweet:  quote of the night (paraphrasing here) "can you make me your facebook friend so i can masturbate"
I don't think I entirely have to explain that one... all you should know is that this was ACTUALLY said to one of my besties

Tweet: Ok I am not trying to be a dick but this american idol chick... Saying she wants to get on for her grandma with Alzheimer's HELLO???

Tweet: Just watched an extremely obese woman speak sternly to her kids because they were wasting their food... Ummmm
Okay here is my thing... and I am a fat girl myself, but really?

Tweet: The airline rep really just said we would like to invite those of you STRUGGLING WITH CHILDREN under 5 hahahah
Okay so I hate kids a LOT so this was good... plus it was on southwest, so the kids sit then when you get to pick your own seats you don't have to sit near them.

Tweet: 2 fav quotes of the night- "that black girl is so white she's a DOUBLE stuffed oreo"
corresponding tweet:  "Her tits were super saggy like they have low self esteem"
 My favorite coworker said these things... I am sure you will hear PLENTY from her in this blog!

Tweet: "I feel like people lie to her" (brother)"why" me: "Cause they say she has a beautiful baby"

Tweet: why is there a plus sized olive oyl costume? that makes zero sense!

AND POSSIBLY my favorite tweet of all times... now this isn't funny necessarily at first so I want to set the tone-
I was lost in Harvard Square in Cambridge... I was supposed to be meeting a date but he was aggravatingly indecisive, and I didn't really want to go in the first place, and he kept moving around to different places in Harvard Square so I was basically circling.  I hit another red light and I see this guy who looked mad arrogant and even though I didn't know him, I decided that I hated him and his stupid suit right away.
Tweet: Was in a bad mood then I saw a guy on a bike crash into a man on the street and they both fell. Fantastic.
Obviously the standing man was the guy I already decided I hated.  It was like Jesus was telling me that I was not alone, and that he was there to make me laugh.  The guy on the bike hit suit guy and then like flipped off his bike.... (they both stood up so they didn't die)  pure magic, I swear it was meant for me.  Thanks Jesus!