poo on him!

As siblings who live together outside of our parents, our social lives mingle quite a bit... and though we each have our own unconnected social groups, once someone has been around for long enough they become friends with both of us. This mostly happens with my friends, who either take on brother as their own little brother, their own personal genius, or they try to sexually assault him (unfortunately, the latter happens quiet a bit, which means that there are several people no longer allowed in my house).

One such friend who has intermingled in our lives and is NOT ban for grabbing bros manbits is Sylvia, the Slovakian beauty queen who I befriended after tutoring her in English.  Sylvia is quite famous in Eastern Europe for her ventriloquist act with "mumbles" the puppet (well that is the English name I gave him).  Sylvia was painstakingly in love with a basketball player named Floyd (slovakian women are HUGE!  They need to date giant men!), however, Slyvia is a foolish girl and at the point of this story was allowing him to bone her without commitment, and was tricking herself into thinking that she was just "doing her thing" and didn't care.  Lies.  But thats not the point of this story.

One day the brother and I were sitting in the old apartment living room and the house phone rang.  Often, we have lazy offs to see who will give up and answer... today for some reason brother just got up and answered the phone, which was in my bedroom.  All I hear is "hi.... ummm, maybe this is a sister conversation" and he hands me the phone, goes back in my room and all I hear is the high pitch stifling of intense laughter.  This is the conversation that follows:

Me: Hello?
Sylvia: hysterical sobbing
Me: Whats wrong?
Sylvia: I pooped on him!
Me: What?  Who?
Sylvia: Floyd!
Me: and your first idea was to call my brother?
Sylvia: SHut up what do I do?
Me: probably shower
Sylvia: He is in the shower!
Me: How does this even happen?  Like did you know you were about to poop?  What happened?
Sylvia: I don't know we switched positions and he like smeared it... I didn't even feel it
Me: getting poo in your vagina is really bad for you.. you HAVE to get in the shower.  Call me later
Sylvia:  Okay you guys CANNOT make fun of me for this

I hang up the phone and brother is standing in the door way and we both, in the most literal sense burst into tears of laughter and fall on our respective floor spaces.

Think of all the jokes that could happen (this is explicit, folks, don't mind the language)
He literally fucked the shit out of her!
Cleveland steamer jokes for days
The possibilities are endless!

Sylvia was even more nuts cause she also told her MOM and GRANDMA about this! Slovakians are so nuts!

Now, if you know me you know I don't know anyone who is Slovakian or anyone named Sylvia

Names and back stories of the poo-er and poo-ee have been changed, but I assure you this story, particularly my phone conversation, is real.