Why I have a Twitter

We used to have Mexican nights, once a week. I called them "Taco Wednesdays" but had no real reason because they were not always on Wednesdays and were not always tacos. But I liked the name a stuck with it. If it were fitting, we would also drink some Margaritas on "Taco Wednesdays" because we are just plain classy. One such night we split a bottle of Patron. After half a bottle of Patron was decided it was time to get to know the neighborhood better so we went for a walk. It was midnight, it had rained, but I suppose it was a good idea. After getting lost and drunk dialing some people we got back to the house and my sister decided I should have a twitter. She made me a twitter and it went untouched for months. Then one day she said something so funny that I needed to share it with the world. The twitter god dropped a beautiful white poop on the shoulder and said "You should tweet that slut" and I did.
I share this story so I can share with you my favorite tweets:




12/28/10 - [sis]"Gingers often look like other mystical creatures"

12/04/10 - [sis]: "I can't wear this I'll have sweaty t*ts" me: "WHAT DID YOU SAY!" [sis]: "I'll sweat in this" me: "ohhh..."

09/04/10 - Me: "Ketchup is the Britney Spears of tomato products" [sis]: "whole tomatoes are the Lady gaga"

08/30/10 - "You're a GENTLEMAN if you pay for sex!"

06/06/10 - getting male friend advice from my big sis lol

05/25/10 - old man at shaws: the good thing about this year is you don't need to buy tanning oil, take a dip in the ocean and you're oiled up


04/02/10 - listen autism... today is jesus' day back ya puzzle off

03/11/10 - today some guys came into tsa wearing camo talking about fights and all i thought was "i got my fighting nails on...NEVER FORGET"

11/17/09 - Drank gallons of water today then cracked open some beers, which means while you read this tweet Imma be urinating...

10/25/09
  #prettypeoplereform calling congress for pretty people in commercials! down w the uglies! YES WE CAN #prettypeoplereform #prettypeoplereform

10/14/09 - "I might be the girl who turns into a blueberry for Halloween"

08/29/09 - I told [sister] my plan to memorialize her after she dies with a sweet decal on my window and she told me she's gunna stab me before she dies